THAT WOULD BE ME xiii - serialisation of chick lit (if you must) novel of neo colonialism and identity

That Would Be Me

Chapter Thirteen
In which our heroine is being drawn further into the prosperous life she is attracted to and nauseated by and surprised by some very good fortune occasioned by a great loss.

'Shower tea? Of course. When do you want to have it? I didn't know people had them any more. Will you need any help?'

Lauren was engaged to Graeme and she had told Allison she expected a shower tea - all the old gang and some of the new, fifteen.

Allison had left home to live in Alexandria and was reluctant to ask her mother for the favour so she had asked her if there was any possibility of having it at Mrs Coleman's, there was so much room. 'It might be kind of fun, sort of. You know, it's so ... anachronistic. You could document it, or use it, it's so anachronistic, or something.'

She was taken by the idea; if she did hold the shower tea for Lauren, it would seal something.

Since stopping work she had gradually been inviting a few friends around. Mrs Coleman obviously liked meeting them but took pains not to linger. She was enjoying her opportunities to be more social. At first she had found the evenings empty but over several months had learned to fill them, to use them. She spent many of them in the university library and at the State Library. She was doing an evening college course in Australian art. For the first time in Australia, she found herself going out - to the theatre, concerts of all sorts, lots of films. She had a joined a 'cell' dedicated to making short films and documentaries. If Mrs Coleman announced she wasn't going out on a certain night, she would often dedicate it to watching television with her.

She told Mrs Coleman, yes, she would like help with the shower tea and that Allison was also involved. Mrs Coleman consulted her friends and a menu was decided on. Gin and tonic would be offered to signal the end of the afternoon.

But they stayed and drank more and more of the gin.

'I'm so sorry,' one of the last guests recollected herself at the door, 'I couldn't leave. I know I overstayed my welcome but I just couldn't leave, it was so beautiful.'

And so it had been. Mrs Coleman's flat had impressed everyone, Lauren especially. 'How much would this be worth?' she had inquired while Mrs Coleman was supervising Mrs Desouza in the kitchen. 'Graeme's parents want to invest in somewhere we can live.'

'Forget it Lauren, they couldn't afford it,' Allison informed her.

'My parents - '

'They still couldn't afford it.'

After she'd come over to see in just what circumstances My Shower Tea was to be celebrated, Lauren's eyes had been opened to the charms of inner city living. 'Casuarinas' itself had impressed her but when Mrs Desouza appeared with the tea things she was convinced. Afterwards, they had taken her for a walk and Lauren had gazed about in deep calculation.

Mrs Coleman wore her blue patterned silk suit for the occasion and presided from afar, joining them in the gins and tonic after she had sent Mrs Desouza home.

She had decided on a simple pale blue linen frock, unassuming, fresh, almost innocent, she had explained to herself. She made it herself on the sewing machine Mrs Coleman had allowed her to install in a corner of the study. She pinned the butterfly brooch to the blue linen. Several of the girls couldn't help saying, 'Is that real?'

Lauren, dressed in silk herself, and professionally styled, gloated over the success of the occasion. She brought flowers around the next day and asked her to be a bridesmaid.

Mrs Coleman smiled and nodded.

She hid her distress by exclaiming, 'Oh no! Really? But ... You have so many good, old friends.'

'I want you. I have to have Allison. Will you tell her to grow her hair out? And I'm having Letitia and Merrie. Graeme's niece is going to be flower girl. I don't think I'll have a page.'

'Well thank god for that.' Mrs Coleman said.

'But I might. If I decide on two flower girls.'

Shortly after, Mrs Coleman excused herself.

They met up in the morning room when Lauren had gone. Mrs Coleman raised her brows.

'I so do not want to be a bridesmaid. I didn't know what to say.'

'What can you say?'

'Well exactly. Oh, grrrr. What's involved?'

'I believe it's negotiated these days. Somewhat. But I imagine you'll be paying for your own gown.'

'I'll make it.'

'If you can. I'd say she's the type who's already picked out what you're going to wear. Something in sack cloth and ashes, if I'm any judge of character.'

She laughed. Then asked, 'Why me? I'm not ... one of her set. Not really. I don't come from the North Shore, for a start.'

'Looking around yesterday, I'd say she needed you.'

'What for?'

'Don't underestimate yourself, my dear.' Mrs Coleman stroked her cheek as she passed out of the room. 'I've got to get ready.'

She fled to her room and called Allison.

'I know already,' Allison said, 'she consulted me.'

'What did she say? Why didn't you tell her ... ?'

'What? What could I say? I didn't even know for sure that you wouldn't want to be - '

'God, Allison! As if ... I thought I was to blame for dashing her hopes about Lou, or something.'

'Oh that's all forgotten, ma sœur. I was informed that boy Comms students all turn out to be queer in any case. And that Graeme is planning to have his own practice in two years time.'

'Oh good. Where?'

'Blaxland. She won't be living there, of course. Then from Blaxland to Macquarie Street. They have it all worked out. I didn't tell her Lou's switching to Law, she might have broken off the engagement.'

Lauren showed them the fabric and asked her if she would make the bridesmaids' dresses, as a wedding present.

'I don't have the time, Lauren. You obviously have no idea of the work involved.'

'The other girls could help you. Merrie's mother's got a machine, I think.'

She ended up making her own and Allison's. Allison paid for the material.

The reception was at a reception place and formulaic. She found herself the object of Lou's attention. He managed to sit next to her and they danced. Macalister danced with her too and wanted to dance again but Lou was hovering. She hesitated. She liked Macalister and he looked beautiful in his rented dinner suit and done hair. However, he was about eighteen. Macalister glared at Lou and retreated.

The M C rounded the 'single ladies' up so that the bride could toss her bouquet. Before she turned her back, Lauren made sure everyone knew Allison was the intended recipient.

'Tell me this isn't happening,' Allison said. She stood stock still as the bouquet whizzed at her.

'Grab it, Allison!' her mother yelled.

But Letitia dived and held it aloft.

'I'm going,' Allison said.

Her mother rushed up to her and said, 'Why didn't you grab it? It was just there.'

'Drive me to the station, I'm getting a headache.'

'But you're staying ... The bride hasn't even changed yet.'

'I'll get Mac to then.'

'No. I'll drive you. I thought you'd got over them.'

Allison turned to her. 'Want to come? Mac will drive us. We can go somewhere sordid and get drunk. Someone's bound to want to pick us up in this harlotry.' Allison swept her hand dismissively over her bridesmaid's gown.

Mrs Blackmore stared aghast at her daughter who moved off to find her brother. 'I don't know what's happened to Allison. Ever since that trip to Noumea she's ... '

Mac told her he'd taken Allison home where she'd got changed and then to the station.

She was very much regretting not leaving with her friend.

The bride would not go. Even when the reception room staff started asking people to get out of their way so they could clean up,, Lauren danced and frolicked on in her bridal gown. She'd announced that she was going to dance with every man there. After her father had had a word with her, she demanded her bridesmaids come and help her change into her going-away outfit.

'Where's Alli?'

'She got a headache and had to go and get a tablet.'

Lauren prolonged the changing for an unconscionable time.

Only when her father stood at the door and yelled, 'There'll be no-one here to wish you good-bye if you don't come now, right now!' did she consent to go forth.

She made extended conversation with everyone gathered in the circle to wish her well.

She contemplated the refinement of Lauren’s sadism, wondered if Graeme was panic stricken with doubt.

Finally the couple left. There was a single ironic cheer.

She just wanted to be at home. So she accepted Lou's offer of a lift.

She was all but silent in the car. Going over the Bridge he placed his hand over hers.

Parked outside Mrs Coleman's he turned the engine off and began to chat, about the wedding, about uni. He was sure she'd do better in her next assignment for Semiotics and Information Matrices, she just had to remember they didn't want to know anything about history, that didn't matter, it was about, you know signs and receptors, marketing basically.

‘Oh history,’ she laughed, ‘that’d be the last thing I ...’

When she began gathering her things to go he said, 'You're not still going out with that Korean guy, are you? You broke up. didn't you?'

'Cal?'

He nodded.

'We're just friends, we were only ever ... friends. He's got to go back to Japan.'

He smiled and when she turned to thank him, kissed her.

Though she was surprised, she played it out to some extent before wiggling away from him.

Mrs Coleman had left a note for her on the hall stand, it asked her to ring Isobel Tierney as soon as she could.

'Are you sitting down, dear? I'm afraid I have some bad news.'

Therese was dead. Lady Tierney had noticed the mail had not been picked up for a few days and 'the people in the shop said Therese hadn't been down for a few ... the police and the ambulance came. They had to knock ... break the lock to get in. 'They said she had been dead … only a matter of days. I don't think there was any pain, dear.'

They went together to the funeral.

In the chapel Kath turned around to glare at her.

There were sandwiches and a cup of tea in the funeral parlour afterwards.

Kath bore down on her. 'Well you must be very pleased with yourself.'

Lady Tierney drew back then reached out a hand to lay on her companion's arm.

‘Funny seeing you here, Isobel!'

A woman bowled up to stand beside Kath.

'Mort says I should challenge. And I'm thinking of it, I can tell you. Don't think you're going to get away with this. There's laws here, no matter where you come from, Miss.'

'Yes,' the friend added, 'Kath deserved more. Better. Something. Taking advantage of a sick woman.'

'Undue influence, it's called,' Kath added in response to their silence. 'Mort says ... '

She felt Lady Tierney's hand exert some pressure. She turned away from Kath.

Kath reached out and grabbed at her.

She swung around to face her.

'Don't you walk away while I'm talking to you. I'll see you in court. You don't deserve it, what did you do? You were just a boarder. I was her friend for years - decades!'

Lady Tierney's grip firmed. Before she shepherded her away, she said to Kath, 'You're upset, we all are. Control yourself, please. Come, we'll go now.'

She wept in the taxi.

Lady Tierney tut tutted and said, 'Come now. There, there.' And pressed a handkerchief into her hand.

Lady Tierney accompanied her into Mrs Coleman's.

She asked Mrs Desouza to make them a cup of tea. While it was coming she got herself and Lady Tierney whiskies. When Mrs Desouza had placed the tea tray on the table and gone she said, 'I was the best friend I could be.'

'Of course you were. No-one could have endured ... put up with that for long. That woman was ... appalling. What behaviour! Don't think about it.'

'I don't think I was a bad influence. Influence?'

'Of course not. I don’t think it means … She was just ... irrational. Mrs Sullivan was not the type who was easily influenced, unfortunately. She was of sound mind, despite ... I'm prepared to get up in court and say so.'

'Court?'

'I'm sure it was just an empty threat. Wills make people so greedy, you see it over and over again. Over nothing. A little flat. I'm sure she's comfortable.' Lady Tierney saw the idea dawning on her. 'Didn't you know?'

'Know what?'

Lady Tierney took some time replying. 'I could only infer that Mrs Sullivan ... left you something. And that woman, her so-called friend, resents that.'

The idea flooded through her. Her face burned. She thrust the whisky away. 'I don't think so,' she said at last to Lady Tierney.

At the door, Lady Tierney said, 'I have a very good lawyer, I'm sure you won't need her services but ... She takes more than a professional interest in my affairs and ... You were very important to Mrs Sullivan, you know. If need be you must fight this, for her sake. But I'm sure there'll be no need.'

Two weeks later she was summoned to Therese' solicitor's. Therese had left her the flat and the lapis necklace, everything else was to go to Therese's charity.

She mentioned Kath's behaviour.

The solicitor waved the worry away.

Several months later she was back in his office to take possession of the deed, the keys and the necklace. 'Will you sell it?' he asked.

She didn't know.

'Didn't look as though it meant much to her, ' he told his wife that night.

She let herself into 'Longleat' and the flat. It was empty and despite the warm day, cold. It still reeked of cigarette smoke.

She went into her old room. She opened the window. A warm breeze blew in. She went through the flat throwing open the windows. Then she went upstairs and knocked on Lady Tierney's door.

Lady Tierney eventually asked her what she intended doing.

She looked puzzled.

'Will you be thinking about selling?'

She really hadn't made up her mind so she looked blank.

'I know ... Of course you haven't had time to think about it but ... There will be associated expenses - Margaret Coleman would be so sorry to lose you, now. It could be a nice source of ... I'm sure Mrs Sullivan wanted you to be secure.'

'Yes,' she said.

'We don't encourage renting but in the circumstances ... Have you got someone who advises you, financially?'

She nodded.

Cal had told her to sell Therese's flat and buy shares.

Michiyo's Todd said he'd look at it if she liked.

Therese's flat was redecorated and rented.

'Good for tax,' Todd said, 'negative gearing. You can't lose in any case.'

Mrs Coleman told Lady Tierney she wore Therese's necklace even when it didn't go with the outfit, 'and you know how particular she is about her accessories.'

'It was a terrible shock. And that horrible woman at the funeral.'

She did not bother informing her parents and Lainie of her good fortune.

THAT WOULD BE ME xii - serialisation of a chick lit (if you must) novel of neo colonialism and identity

That Would Be Me

Chapter 12

In which our heroine faces a dreadful threat from her previous life but is resolute in dismissing it.

Her phone rang.

'Guess what? Mum's cousin died, you know that one who worked in the hospital? She left us - '

'Who is this please?'

'It's me! What's wrong with you? Mum's cousin left us some money. Mum said I could use mine to come out and visit you. I've always wanted to go to Australia. Renee's neighbour went and had a great time. She said - '

'What about work?'

'I'm going to leave that. I can always get another job. Mum says you're only young once so I may as well and she wants me to see how you're getting on.'

'She could come herself.'

'Don't be daft! That'd spoil things. Anyway, she's too nervous. Here.'

Her mother's voice entered the mobile after a hesitant silence.

She let her know she was well and this year's uni work was going well.

'I know you'll look after Lainie,' her mother said, 'she can be a bit headstrong at times.'

She could hear Lainie protesting in the background.

'I don't know how I could do that, Mum. Where's she staying?'

'Um. I - thought - we thought she might stay with you.'

'That's not possible, Mum.'

There was a silence.

'Well ... You might be able to find something for her, something safe. Not too expensive, I don't want her spending it all on a trip. She could do - '

Lainie was saying something about 'close to it all, like Bondi.'

'Bondi's probably a good idea, they have good backpacker places there. I'm sure Lainie will feel comfortable there.'

Her mother said she was getting the solicitor to send her a bank draft for the amount poor Gina had left.

It was about what she earned in two months at the restaurant.

'What are you doing with yours?' You and Dad might like to go on - You could get something really nice with that.'

Gina had only left it to the young ones. Poor Gina, she never had much of a life, did she?

After she had thumbed the phone off she fell to thinking about the money. It was coming at a good time. Although she no longer had to pay rent, she felt more uneasy about money than ever. There was something strange going on at the restaurant. Mr Iriye seemed worried and not so concerned about standards and the waiters were not as solicitous as they had been. Even the presentation of the food appeared to her expert eye less careful. She had been relieved because there was now no pressure to entertain special guests after work. She and Mr Iriye still exchanged perfectly understood glances on those occasions when a 'special customer' had inquired about her availability. She consented when she thought a large sum might be involved. But she longed to escape the restaurant.

Michiyo said not to worry, everyone just getting a bit slack, the restaurant had been opened a long time now.

She was constantly aware of how much she needed to finish her course. She needed to make the money for next year's fees and then there was the year after if she did honours. It would all be so much easier if she wasn't an international student. If only Cal was Australian.

Cal had bought an expensive sports car and was taking delight in driving her around in it. At first he had even insisted on picking her up after work and careering through the streets of Sydney. She had enjoyed the carelessness of it, the car sliding through the quiet streets, the warm wind slipping by. Then she had felt uneasy not inviting him in, though he seemed to understand. After he got a ticket for speeding she was adamant that she was too tired for these late night drives. She had to go to Mrs Coleman's and get sleep so she could keep up with her uni work and the restaurant.

She watched Lainie emerge from the Arrivals door with a sense of horror and disgust. She introduced her sister to Cal and while they waited for Lainie's luggage found she could barely endure her sister's talk. She stared stonily away.

Cal had covered her revulsion with polite questions and laughter. Then he made a serious blunder. 'You should stay in Kings Cross, backpacker's there, near your sister. Bondi no good, too far.'

'There's the beach there,' she interrupted.

'Yeah, that's a good idea. Kings Cross, I've heard of that.'

'You're thinking of the one in London, it's nothing like that.'

'No. Vic - that's Renee's cousin - said it was cool.'

She was seething.

Cal, misinterpreting her silence, cheerfully drove to Kings Cross.

She took control sufficiently to manoeuvre Lainie into the place where she had stayed when she first arrived in Sydney.

'I'll see you tomorrow,' she said after she had seen her sister settled. 'Don't go out tonight, even if you can't sleep. It's not safe. But you won't listen to me.'

Outside, she told Cal she would walk home.

She decided he had to go, he was such an idiot. Who knew what blunder he'd make next?

She wanted to ring into the restaurant, sick, but decided it might take her mind off Lainie. Obviously she had to get her away to Cairns or Darwin as soon as possible. What about New Zealand and bungie jumping? But most of all she had to settle this rage and brooding, it was out of all proportion.

She went back with a special guest to his hotel. She knew she was at her worst. Her rage must be palpable. He wouldn't or couldn't come and teased her with a very small amount when she abandoned the effort and got dressed. Though she knew he was teasing her and would give more if she played the game, she threw the note away shouting, 'What's this? You've got to be fucking kidding! So I've got to pay for your lack of horniness. You're going to be a laughing stock in this town after I've had my say at the desk.'

He was at the door with her and pressing more notes into her hand as she made her get away. 

In the taxi she counted them. Pretty good. She should try that again. She added the sum to her inheritance and decided she would go to her jeweller's and get something. Maybe a ring. Yes, maybe she should start wearing rings. A little dress ring, say with emeralds. Maybe she could get something that would match her earrings. Oh no. That would look too awful. Perhaps another brooch. She had worn the butterfly three times.

'Good morning Miss Woodburn. You look lovely today.'

'Thank you Rohan.'

She told him she wanted to see something simple with Argyle diamonds. A brooch. A simple pin would be perfect, to go with her new suit.

Rohan dithered and the older gentleman came and asked how Miss Woodburn was today and could he be of assistance?

She bought a brooch, a circle of diamonds. Rohan said she could wear it as a hairclip too.

The older gentleman exchanged a look with her, then he, inspired, said, 'We've still got your bracelet!' And scurried off for it.

She tried it on.

'It would go rather nicely with your new brooch,' the older gentleman said.

'Yes,' she said, 'it would. I think I am to be given a gift soon. Enough. If they mention my name would you show them this?'

The older gentleman carefully cosseted the strand of diamonds away and bestowed on her a tender look.

She got Rohan to accompany her to the ATM again. 'I'm so thirsty, I must have a cup of tea. Where will we go?'

She encouraged Rohan through a cup of tea.

The older gentleman could not contain himself when they reappeared, he hissed at Rohan and snatched the money she had again got Rohan to 'mind' and bristled while handing over the beautifully wrapped parcel and receipt. Then he controlled himself to accompany her out of the shop and for a short distance along the street.

'Thank you so much Mr ... ?'

'Clinton. No relation,' he said, 'to the President.'

She laughed and bade him farewell.

During her seminar she obsessively calculated what her jewellery might be worth second hand. And her painting. Could she take the brooch back? She rehearsed what she would say to Rohan and Mr Clinton. She would have to get a new suit to do it in. She needed one for autumn in any case. She would get something lovely in a sensational deep purple, maybe with white - or even yellow piping. Something very Audrey Hepburn. But she would need the diamond brooch to wear with it. It was perfect. She had done the right thing, she needed it.

She was writing an essay on Audrey Hepburn for Semiotics and Information Matrices. She had placed as an epigram under her title - the face of Audrey Hepburn ... has nothing of the essence left in it ... The face of Garbo is an Idea, that of Hepburn, an Event - Roland Barthes, Mythologies . She had little idea what this meant but as everyone sitting around the cafe had looked impressed when she had told them she was going to use this as a kind of key, she had decided to go ahead with this idea. So far her research consisted of detailing what Audrey Hepburn wore in Breakfast at Tiffany's and venturing opinions about what Audrey Hepburn's costumes in the film 'signified'. The last note she had written was consider the historical context. She was engrossed by a picture book of sixties style and was thinking of using its Introduction as the basis of her essay.

Lou said, 'You should talk to Clarissa, she's into all that sixties shit. Why don't we have yum cha? Or dinner? If you like.'

She settled for yum cha, thinking she could bring Lainie along, keep her diluted in the crowd, and that would be that done.

She called in to see Lainie on the way home from uni. She wasn't there. Good.

At the restaurant Mr Iriye told them he wanted a meeting when all the guests had gone.

Mr Iriye made a speech in Japanese. He nodded to the headwaiter who had stood beside him.

'What did he say?' she asked Michiyo.

The headwaiter picked up a tray with a bundle of envelopes on it and started to distribute the envelopes.

'Closing the restaurant.'

'Oh when?'

'Now. It is closed.'

'When? I mean, when? Why? I mean.'

'Now. Closed tonight. Maybe new owner soon.'

'Why?'

Michiyo shrugged.

She was handed her envelope. It had her name in English on it, misspelt.

As they walked out together Michiyo said, 'I think Mr Iriye will go back to Japan. Start new restaurant.'

She decided to walk home despite the envelope and whatever amount was in it. She hoped she would be mugged. She would just hand over the envelope. It would be good not to know how much was in it. However much it would not be enough. What would she do? She'd have to go and see Lena at Polka Dot first thing. But she had so much uni work to do. All her subjects were getting very difficult. She wasn't sure she could pass Semiotics and Information Matrices. She had no idea what the lecturer was talking about or what her essay on Audrey Hepburn should be saying.

She swung into the backpackers where she had installed Lainie.

Lainie was playing pool with some boys in the rec room. 'Oh hi! I'm having such a good time. I've already got an Australian accent. Can you hear it?'

She nodded.

They went to the lounge. She led Lainie as far away from the very loud T V as she could.

'Would you like - '

'You were so wrong about Sydney. I can see why you've stayed. I might stay too. You were so wrong, it's not dangerous. I had a great time. I went to Oxford Street. This guy took me to a club. We danced all night. I just slept in the afternoon and now I'm right. I might come and visit you tomorrow.'

'I'll be at uni. I can't - O K. But would you like to come and have yum cha - it's a really Sydney thing to do. In Chinatown. Have you been there yet?'

Lainie now had a reluctant, calculating expression.

'Not if you don't want to but all my friends will be there. And they want to meet you, of course. If you like. I know you're busy.'

'Sunday ... ' Lainie said, 'What time?'

'Yum cha's kind of a late breakfast with Chinese food. They - '

'Late breakfast sounds good. I'm going out with this guy - the one who took me to the gay club. He's gay so you needn't worry.'

She confined the expression of her response to a slow thoughtful nod.

So Lainie consented to yum cha on Sunday. And added she might come and visit her tomorrow night.

Outside, Lainie looked her up and down thoughtfully then said, 'You've got nice clothes.'

'I earned them,' she replied before she could check herself.

'How?' Lainie said.

'Lainie, I made them. I saved up from my job in a clothing factory and I got the fabric wholesale and I bought a pattern, cut them out and sewed them. How else?'

'Well how would I know?' Lainie snapped back, 'No-one knows what you get up to any more.'

As she walked the rest of the way home she brooded on how nasty Lainie had always been. Mum and Dad indulged her, she had never been corrected.

Mrs Coleman was having a cup of tea. 'Hullo. How was your day?'

'Quite good. Thank you. And yours?'

After a while Mrs Coleman said, 'You seem down tonight, everything alright?'

'Well. I've lost my job at the restaurant.'

'How? What did you do?'

'Nothing. I didn't do anything. It's closing.'

'Why? From what you said it was doing very well. I should have gone.'

'I don't know. It was always full and it was expensive enough. I don't know.'

'Oh they're all fly-by-night these days. They open and close before they have to pay their taxes. Who knows what else they're involved in. Don't worry. You're not worried are you? You'll get another job, a girl like you, easily. I'll ask my friends, someone's always looking for someone to do some little thing for them. You can sew.'

'No. I'm not worried. It's just ... I'd got used to working there. And the money was useful. Thank you. If you hear of anything. It's just ... I quite liked working there and there was no warning. It was a bit of a shock. Mr Iriye just suddenly announced it was over tonight. And paid us off. Our week's wages. I was ... It was a shock.'

'Oh something's gone on alright. It's not right. Some of the others probably need the job. What about the chef?'

She nodded and the tears brimmed in her eyes.

Mrs Coleman brought her a cup of tea and made her drink a whisky.

As she sipped it she thought that was what she would miss most about Mr Iriye's restaurant.

The envelope had considerably more than a week's wages in it. She thought Mrs Coleman was probably right, Mr Iriye was getting out before the Tax Man got him. The large amount was to ensure everyone went quietly on their way. She wondered what the implications might be. Then took comfort from the fact her name had been misspelt. Michiyo was the only one at the restaurant who really knew her.

She lay awake for hours brooding over her financial state. She wondered if she was the only one who had not known the restaurant was closing. Why hadn't Michiyo told her? The writing had been on the wall. She would buy another painting, something very modern, at an art gallery, or some more shares. Now she wasn't working she could have dinner with Cal and he could tell her what to do with her shares, she would buy and sell. Despite the diamond brooch she still had enough not to worry for a while. But she would have to watch herself. Perhaps she needn't get the suit. She would have to get new shoes and a handbag to go with the colour she had in mind and where would she wear it? She didn't really need it now she wasn't taking the brooch back. She could let her hair grow out, take on a new look - just-a-student - for a while. She needed a break from all this stress, it was destroying her. Thank god, no more 'special customers'. She could concentrate on her Audrey Hepburn essay and get a really good mark. She would go and see the lecturer tomorrow. She could get really healthy, so healthy she would no longer need make-up. She would glow. She would drink water. This was a real break, it was meant to happen. She might sell everything and go in and walk out with her bracelet. It would go well with her new brooch. She might sell the butterfly, but no, she was attached to it, it was the first thing she had bought, she loved it, it brought her luck. Things would work out. She could go around with Lainie, take her on the Manly ferry, or to Bondi for a drink.

Lainie was obviously drugged when she picked her up on Sunday for the yum cha. The taxi driver snarled about being kept waiting so she said, 'Get out Lainie, we don't have to put up with this, plenty of other taxis,' and pushed a note at him. But he began to apologise and explain he thought they weren't coming so she told Lainie it was alright. When they got to the restaurant she made sure he gave her every cent of the change.  

She had transformed her anxiety into a determined indifference. Let them judge Lainie as they would. It was a stroke of great good fortune that she was eccied, or whatever it was. She smiled at Lainie's bubblings about what a good time she was having, how she loved Sydney and was going to stay, she would get Mum to send her the rest of Gina's money.

'What are you going to get Mum?' she turned on Lainie as they entered the huge dining area.

'What?'

'She's been very good to you. She didn't get anything from her cousin, just us, we ought to send her something. She's always doing things for other people and she never gets anything for herself.' She waved at Allison, Lauren and Lou.

She was taking comfort in the hugeness of the area, the clatter of the trolleys circulating, the hubbub of families out for Sunday brunch and from the size of their party. She had encouraged the idea of assembling twelve saying the more at yum cha the better. She would resolve the problem of her name if it came up. She would say to Lainie, ‘My Australian friends call me Iseult,’ and smile in bland silence at whatever Lainie had to say about that. She could get through this easily, after all nearly everyone here was an ally.

Lou lit up when he saw her and glanced at Lainie with interest. She herded Lainie towards a seat on the other side of Adrian and his new boyfriend who was next to Lou. She went and gave Allison a kiss, said hullo to Lauren. Michiyo was there with Todd, the real estate agent. Cal hadn't turned up yet. She kept the seat beside her vacant for him but encouraged Clarissa to sit beside it so they could talk about sixties style. She knew Clarissa would have no idea about what style 'signified'. She introduced Lainie. Allison asked her polite questions about how she was finding Sydney. Lainie began to explain what a good time she was having, clubbing and ... No, she hadn't seen the Opera House yet. She told them about the club she had just got home from when Chirpie turned up, she had to rush into the shower. And Chirpie yelled at the taxi driver because they had kept him waiting and ... She hadn't even had time to put her thickener on properly.

'Who?' Lauren demanded.

Lainie stared at her.

Lauren's face was alight with a malicious, triumphant smile. 'Who? Who yelled at the taxi driver?'

She felt herself go cold.

Lauren laughed at her bowed head as she pretended to read the contents of a fortune cookie then waved to the waiter. 'Who's 'Chirpie?'

'Her!' Lainie pointed, laughing, 'Her.' And was delighted by her sister's intent non-expression.

'Why do you call her that?' Lauren asked.

'You must see the Opera House. We could go after we've finished here.' But Allison's attempt was lost.

'Oh she was such a joke. Dad used to say, Go on Chirpie, dance for us. And she'd pretend she was on T V, some pop star and dance all over the place. You should have seen her. It was so funny. She was so serious. We laughed and laughed.' Lainie collapsed into helpless laughter.

Everyone was looking at her.

She was managing a soft, indulgent smile at her sister. There was a fatal gleam in her eye.

'But why did you call her that?' Lauren glanced for Lou's reaction. He was staring at her victim.

'Cause. Cause. She was just like a little bird hopping about the place, singing.' Lainie stopped as if a thought had just occurred to her. Her great amusement suddenly turned to resentment. 'Who did she think she was? Who do you think you are?'

'I don't know, Lainie. I've obviously changed a bit since I've been here. It doesn't seem to have taken long to have changed you too. Mum would be surprised. And of course, Dad.'

Lainie's gaze swung around the table. Everyone was staring at her. Now she looked down at her bowl. It was empty.

Allison told the waiter, yes, they would have six plates of steamed dim sims.

She ordered a beer for Lainie when the drinks waiter came around and just managed to hold off from a whisky for herself. But Michiyo ordered three and one was placed before her. She loved Michiyo. It went straight to her head which cleared. She took a surveillance of the table. Lou was trying to focus on Adrian, who was no doubt being his boring, ideologically defensive self, certainly his new boyfriend was concentrating a bit hard on his chop sticks. Lauren was trying to join in and turned to Allison with a comment. Allison froze her out with a glance and called across to Clarissa.

She tried not to gulp the whisky but was already planning on another, just to return the compliment to Michiyo.

'Are you gay?' she heard Lainie say, 'I went to this club with some gay guys. They're great, I don't know why people say those things about them. I've never met one before.'

She heard Adrian start on the lecture about how she had, she just didn't know they were gay and noticed his boyfriend get up from the table as Cal slipped in beside her, transparent with guilt. She went to kiss him but averted her face from the small bruise on his neck.

As soon as she could she ordered a bottle of whisky and another beer for Lainie. People protested but most acquiesced as the waiter circled, pouring.

Lainie explained how she had learned to drink out of the bottle in Australia.

She felt warm and drunk. She hoped she wasn't flushed. Then didn't care. She watched her sister heedlessly chatting to anyone who would listen, not eating though a spoon and fork had been brought especially for her and relentlessly swigging at her third beer.

Lou was staring at her so she raised her glass and winked. He looked really pleased and smiled back.

Cal was making a special effort and it was easy for her to respond with chat to him. After a while she engaged Clarissa in talk about sixties style. Lou moved near to hear what she had to say about her essay. Adrian began to make a fuss about his boyfriend's not coming back from the toilet.

'Perhaps he went outside for a cigarette,' Clarissa suggested.

But he didn't smoke.

'Perhaps he found someone else in the toilet,' Lauren said.

'I'll get him,' Lainie declared, 'I've got to go in any case. Where is it? I can talk to gays.' She staggered as she rose.

'I'll come with you.' She was too late, Lainie careered sideways and sprawled across Lauren, knocking some little bowls of food and the tea Lauren was drinking. It spilled onto Lauren's dress. Lauren affected a scream then realised the tea had gone onto her dress. 'Oh look! You've ruined it. It's just new. You'll have to pay for the dry cleaning. Do tea stains come out?'

She helped Lainie to the toilet. Told her to stay there. Went back and told the others she'd better get her home - back to the hostel. 'She's not used to alcohol. I'm sorry about your skirt Lauren, I'll pay for the dry cleaning, or whatever. Sorry about this everyone. She was so looking forward to seeing the Opera House with you all. Have you got your car?' She asked Cal whose flat was nearby.

Cal said he'd walked but he would get his car.

'Oh never mind, it's a sports car in any case.'

Allison was beside her, 'Come on,' Allison said, touching her elbow, 'we've managed this sort of thing before. And well.'

Outside, she ordered Lainie to stand up straight or they'd have trouble getting a taxi.

They got Lainie past the boy on reception and onto her bed. She slipped her sister's shoes off. 'Leave her. She'll be alright. I'll see if I can get a bowl to leave beside her in case she vomits, or something.' She told the boy her sister was sick, she was allergic to MSG and they'd been to yum cha and got him to get her a bucket. As she made her way back with it she wondered if peanuts, or seafood would have been better in some way than MSG.

She turned at the door and took a look at her sister, sprawled on the bed in her tawdry wear.

'Don't worry. She'll be alright,' Allison said. 'We'll go for a walk and come back to see how she's going. I'd much rather look at Elizabeth Bay on a Sunday than the Opera House.'

She told Allison, no, she'd done enough. 'Please let me get you a cab so you can find the others, they're probably still at the restaurant. I prefer to deal with this myself - now that I can. Thank you. I'll ring you and let you know ... ' She allowed herself to burst into tears.

After she'd got rid of Allison she went straight to the police station. She asked if she could speak to Robbie.

Robbie wasn't in. Could someone else help?

She said she was a friend of Robbie's and ... Was Hamid in?

Soon she was in an interview room with Hamid and a very young looking policewoman.

She told them she was very worried about her sister. She'd just had to take her back to her hostel - she seemed to be drugged. 'She's only young and we come from this really quiet village in the countryside in England and Mum asked me to keep an eye on her. I don't know what's going on but she's only been here a few days and she's already going off the rails.'

The young policewoman asked severely what she expected them to do about it.

Hamid glared at his colleague and asked, 'Where is your sister staying? Do you know what drug she took?' Then he turned to the young policewoman and said, 'This is a community member. We know her, she's a friend of Robbie's. She lives down in Elizabeth Bay. She wants us to keep an eye on her sister.'

'I'm afraid she's going off the rails. She's not used to this. She's not ready. I can't spend every minute with her. I had to go and drink with her in this awful place this morning just to try and talk to her. I've rung Mum. Mum thinks she should come home - she's got a ticket - but she won't listen to me.'

Hamid glanced at his young colleague and turned back to her, 'I think we can fix this. We've handled - we often have to handle runaways. I think we can manage this.' He glanced dismissively at his colleague and then turned back to her. 'We can wait for Robbie to come back, if you like, she's working over at Central. Or do you think you can handle it?' He directed this at his colleague who squirmed, then nodded.

'Thank you Hamid. You've no idea how worried I've been. Thank you ... '

It was Petrea.

She spelled out Lainie's name for them.

As Hamid escorted her out, she said, 'Do you think you can wait till tomorrow? She's pretty out of it now. I've got a friend who's a doctor coming round to have a look at her this afternoon, that's when he can get away from the hospital.'

'It's probably GHB,' Hamid said. 'they just let them sleep it off. Not much more they can do.'

'It's not addictive, is it?'

Mrs Coleman was out. She was pleased to throw herself on her bed. She slept. Got up. Made a cup of tea, took it to her room and stared out at her view. She felt a rush of possession. She turned her attention to the picture book on sixties style. Yes, its Introduction could be her essay. She would reference it just once.

Lainie glanced up when she entered and glared at her sister.

She assessed her sister's state - good, the drug had left her flat.

She introduced herself to Hamid and Petrea. They nodded and returned their attention to inspecting Lainie's things.

'What's in here?' Petrea demanded.

'It's just me make-up bag.'

'Open it.'

'Is there a problem? Is my sister in any difficulty?' she asked.

Hamid said he'd like to talk to her outside. He told her they were going to get her on a plane tomorrow.

Back with Lainie he announced, 'We have surveillance tape of your sister ingesting a prohibited substance.' He turned on Lainie, 'I'd like to warn you that anything you say will be taken down and may be used against you in a court of law.'

Petrea got out a notebook.

'What?'

'May I have a moment with my sister?'

When the police had left she told Lainie that Hamid had said the best thing was for her to leave Australia and never return. They had very strict laws on drugs here and she was going to be charged with using a prohibited substance. Unless she was out of the country in twenty-four hours. She could get eight years.

Lainie gaped at her.

She told Hamid and Petrea she was taking her sister to the travel agent now. She would come and show them the ticket in half an hour.

She made Lainie come to the police station with her.

Lainie sulked and then wept during dinner.

'Those guys must have known. I paid them ... It can't ... I'll never trust gays again. They set me up. They knew. They must have known there were cameras there. They must have done it because they really hate chicks. I only got one.'

'I tried to tell you, Lainie. It's not like England.'

'Oh I tried to tell you Lainie ... What do you know? With your snotty friends who think they're so good. I bet you've never even been to a club.' Lainie tore out of the restaurant.

She thought about following her back to the hostel but found herself finishing her meal and walking home. She felt quiet. Tomorrow she would go round and make sure Lainie left.

'What will I tell Dad?' Lainie sniffled. 'I was having a good time till ... those gays.'

At the departure gate she said to Lainie, 'Just tell them that you got sick. There was something in the air you were allergic to and the doctor said you'd get asthma if you didn't leave. A lot of people get asthma here. It's the wattle.'

'What are you going to say?'

'Nothing, Lainie. You know I wouldn't want to upset them.'

Lainie examined her sister then said, 'You think you're really smart, don't you? Well Lyntie got married. And his mother doesn't speak to me mum any more because of you.' Then she was gone.